i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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