FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
