oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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