i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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