I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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