Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
