I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
