How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
