how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this just has baby written all over it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
