That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
