Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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