Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
