Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
