you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
