I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
