I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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