you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
