the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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