if only i could text you this smell
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
