I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
