It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I just shit out all my problems.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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