dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
