we have officially lost it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
