is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
