i jhust puked up my retainher.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
