I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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