Buhtt sex?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
