I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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