Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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