I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
