i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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