Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
