do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
