last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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