i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
