First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
