the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
