bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
