PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
