You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
