i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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