Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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