do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
