so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
