Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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