apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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