i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
