Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
