And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
