My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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