you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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