Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
